Aggravation

So here’s the deal, I retired from civil service (employed as a federal government employee).  So I had worked for ole Uncle Sam way back when. So I was covered by the old fashioned retirement plan.  What this means is that I still get social security and a federal retirement. The catch, the federal retirement is offset by the social security benefits.  So I don’t get the full benefits because I worked for regular companies.  Ok, here’s the bottom line I am not getting enough money now to maintain the same life style.  So I must cut back, let me see, the utility company was not willing to share this financial situation with me.  Nor the water guys or those kind folks holding the title to my house or car. Wow, the possibilities to fix this are limited.  Cut back on food, medication, don’t drive too much, change my oil at 7000 miles, become a thief…I haven’t decided which way to go.

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Thoughts about my wife

After writing about being single and retired and about my marriage not being great I started thinking.  I loved my wife.  I was her sole caregiver for many years, full time since 2004 until she passed in 2012.  We had real problems especially after the girls were born.  We had some good times, some really interesting times before they were born but fewer after.

As I mentioned before we did not get along on many things, she made me angry, we had many verbal fights.  Her family, two brothers one sister seemed like they had to end up in a fight to feel like they had been heard.  My family never fought, never.  I was a total stranger to fighting.

It took me literally years to figure out how to deal with the relationship she and I had.  I believed that we probably would have been better off in the marriage sense with different partners. 
In the end I guess I stayed married out of commitment, kind of the marriage vows thing.  She hung in there, she had many health issues.  She died three days after her youngest brother did.  A year and a half after her mom, and about eleven months after her step-dad.  A lot of dying in a short period of time.

Things to know about retirement mostly

Ok, so first thing is you will never have have enough money, get use to it.   Next if your are not married now for what ever reason;  my wife died in 2012, she was ill for a long time.  Thank you I appreciate your condolences,  You will fall into one of three categories,  one; looking for love again right away,  two; getting into your hobby’s or into your changed life style, three; like me, trying to figure out what the future has in store.  

If you reach retirement and are single you will find that you both miss companionship of another person to share intimacies, and that you don’t have to share…at all.  Maybe, as with me, this is the first time in years, my case thirty two years, I am not sharing.  It feels a little naughty,  not quite real.   Well at first anyway,  But I am getting more into it and missing companionship less.  

I still love women as a gender, God did some really good work, I can see why, after creating man he tried again, very good work.  But men and women are not wired the same at all, at all.  I don’t miss dealing with the differences between us.  

I did not get along with my wife.  It was not a wonderful marriage by a long shot and my oldest daughter still says I should have gotten a divorce earlier on.  My wife was always right regardless of the situation or topic.   This was an opinion held by her and pretty much her alone.

When she first passed I felt loneliness,  facing a world totally changed.   I tried to find some level of companionship and failed.   I went to grief support groups, five of them, hey, I am not a quitter.  I got nothing.   Now my perspective has changed,  I now am enjoying my freedom, spending my days the way they happen.

I really don’t want to have to deal with the baggage of someone my age.  I like the movies I like, the food I like, the hobby’s,  etc.  I don’t want to have to learn a bunch of new stuff to deal with, and I don’t want to have to get use to new toilet habits, an old body that I didn’t see when it was in top shape,  and I don’t want anyone to have to get use to me.

New to retirement

Well I am trying to adjust to being retired – I’m not doing that well.  First Ifind myself making jokes about flies. 

For example ; Do you know when it’s time to change your fly paper?  When you see a fly land and have to walk around to find a place to stick.

I saw a fly land on the fly paper, he didn’t stick (don’t ask me how I know it was a he), so he tries again, same thing happens.  So the next time he gets about three feet from the paper, flies as hard as he can and hits the paper hard.  Two things happened, first he does stick, second he is thinking about filing suit for a concussion.

I saw a big fly and a smaller fly near the paper.  The big fly gets right next to the small fly and pushes him right into the paper.  Just shows that people aren’t the only bullies. Do flies laugh, I think they do, thought I heard a tiny weenie chuckle.